My friends Val, Becca, Becca’s parents, and I were in Boston getting on a huge, white ferry to go to an island on the Boston Harbor. Becca’s parents were on the first floor and Becca, Val, and I were on the second. I laid back pressing my back against the cool chair. We all just sat there for a few minutes until we cooled down.
We went to the side of the boat and looked down at the water moving rapidly underneath us. We started to spit in the water. We didn’t have to worry about our hair getting in our faces because the wind was so strong it pushed it all back for us. We were making a game out of it now. We would count to three then spit and watch it fly in the air and dart into the deep blue, green water. The sun was shining brightly on the water making it glisten. When we looked back and it seemed like the whole second floor was looking at us.
We decided to go to the front of the boat to find something else to entertain us while we were waiting to get to the island. We decided to make up imaginary friends. Val’s imaginary friend was Scott he was a worker that walked by. He was a tall yet skinny teenager. You could tell his shirt was made for a bigger man because it was hanging off of his body in a way that made it look like it belonged to his father.
The one that I chose was also a worker, except he was a plump old man with white hair and a shiny bald spot on the top of his head. His shirt was tight at the stomach. It looked like the seams were about to burst open. On his nametag it said his name was Pete. “Pete!” I yelled. When he looked I looked away. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and he was still looking around confused. Then he started hopping around a little trying to look over people’s heads. It only made it worse when he tripped and fell to his knees. The minute he hit the deck he hopped up and looked around to see if anyone saw him fall. His face was red from embarrassment. We all let out a little chuckle too low for anyone to hear but us.
“Pete!” I yelled again. When he looked I looked away as fast as I could so I didn’t get caught making my hair fall into my face. Again Becca and Val looked like they were going to start laughing. After a few minutes we got bored so we left.
We went to the side of the boat and looked down at the water moving rapidly underneath us. We started to spit in the water. We didn’t have to worry about our hair getting in our faces because the wind was so strong it pushed it all back for us. We were making a game out of it now. We would count to three then spit and watch it fly in the air and dart into the deep blue, green water. The sun was shining brightly on the water making it glisten. When we looked back and it seemed like the whole second floor was looking at us.
We decided to go to the front of the boat to find something else to entertain us while we were waiting to get to the island. We decided to make up imaginary friends. Val’s imaginary friend was Scott he was a worker that walked by. He was a tall yet skinny teenager. You could tell his shirt was made for a bigger man because it was hanging off of his body in a way that made it look like it belonged to his father.
The one that I chose was also a worker, except he was a plump old man with white hair and a shiny bald spot on the top of his head. His shirt was tight at the stomach. It looked like the seams were about to burst open. On his nametag it said his name was Pete. “Pete!” I yelled. When he looked I looked away. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and he was still looking around confused. Then he started hopping around a little trying to look over people’s heads. It only made it worse when he tripped and fell to his knees. The minute he hit the deck he hopped up and looked around to see if anyone saw him fall. His face was red from embarrassment. We all let out a little chuckle too low for anyone to hear but us.
“Pete!” I yelled again. When he looked I looked away as fast as I could so I didn’t get caught making my hair fall into my face. Again Becca and Val looked like they were going to start laughing. After a few minutes we got bored so we left.
We liked how you stayed on topic. and also by showing not telling how you were playing the game of spitting into the water with the descriptive word choice. like, deep, blue green water.
ReplyDeleteI like how you used show not tell.As I was reading it i felt like i was actually there looking at you and hearing all of that.:)
ReplyDeletevery descriptive and showed what you were doing instead of telling it boringly, good job.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I was a little grossed out by your game, I have to agree with all that wrote above, you described it very well. I especially liked the line that said you would "watch it fly in the air and dart into the deep blue, green water." I could picture the water perfectly at that time as your spit darted into it.
ReplyDeleteNice Job Julia. I especially liked how you described Pete. I could picture him perfectly!
ReplyDeleteSpitting in the water??? Ick!